We are each of us angels with only one wing and can only fly embracing each other.
Luciano de Crescenzo 
 

Many well meaning people say the cruelest things.  They are not intentionally cruel.  They just don't know what to say.  Babies are not suppose to die.  Our society does not prepare us very well to deal with death.  With a miscarriage, there is no body to bury.  No one physically saw the child.  Many people will not understand why you grieve.  Few will grieve with you.  Our pro-choice world has distorted people's minds to believe that it was just a mass of cells and not a life.  God's Word tells us different.  We know that life begins at conception.  Life was growing inside of you.  That human life had a soul.  At the moment his/her soul left your body, he/she was ushered into the Saviour's Arms!  If you are a Christian, you have an extra blessing waiting on you when you get to heaven.  If you are not a Christian, I pray that you come to know Him.

You are not alone.  You are not abnormal.  Your feelings are perfectly normal. How common miscarriage is will not ease your pain, but know that there are many people who understand who would love to help you with your grief. 

God cares for you.  He understands your pain.  Allow Him to wrap his arms around you and comfort you.

The Will of God
The will of God will never take you,
Where the grace of God cannot keep you,
Where the arms of God cannot support you,
Where the riches of God cannot supply your needs,
Where to power of God cannot endow you.

The will of God will never take you,
Where the Spirit of God cannot work through you,
Where the wisdom of God cannot teach you,
Where the army of God cannot protect you,
Where the hands of God cannot mold you.

The will of God will never take you,
Where the love of God cannot enfold you,
Where the mercies of God cannot sustain you,
Where the peace of God cannot calm your fears,
Where the authority of God cannot overrule for you.

The will of God will never take you,
Where the comfort of God cannot dry your tears,
Where the Word of God cannot feed you,
Where the miracles of God cannot be done for you,
Where the omnipresence of God cannot find you.
 

Christian friends and family, you are missing a tremendous opportunity to minister to your loved one.  I understand that you do not know what to say or do, but your silence hurts so much.  Your kind and loving words are needed at this time.  Words hold so much power.  A hurtful word is long remembered. Please wrap your arms around me.  Tell me that you are sorry and that you are here for me if I want to talk.  Don't try to fix things or give advice.  Just be ready to listen.  I will need to tell my story over and over again.  Please listen and listen some more.  Please ask about my husband because he is hurting too.  He just hides his grief or shows it in other ways. 

The Mention of His Name
The mention of my child's name,
May bring tears to my eyes,
But it never fails to bring
Music to my ears.
If you are really my friend,
Let me hear the beautiful music of his name,
It soothes my broken heart
And sings to my soul.

Please do not think that I am strange that I named my child, even though I do not know her sex.  She is my child.  She deserves a name.  She deserves to be recognized as a human life and as a member of my family.

Please do not tell me how she was deformed or how it is better now than when I had held her and gotten a chance to become attached to her.  If she had been deformed, I would have loved her more because not many people would have.  I would give my very next breath if she could only live.  I held her within my body for twelve weeks.  I was attached to her.  I love her and had great plans for her.

Please do not tell me that it is God's will, that she is in a better place, or she is better off.  I know that all things work for the good of them that love the Lord and are called according to his purpose.  However, that knowledge does not ease my grief or mend my broken heart. 

Please do not tell me that I am young and will be able to have other children.  It took me a very long time to conceive.  You do not know that it will happen again.  Even if I do have other children, they will not replace her.  Children are not interchangeable.  If your first child died, would it be okay because you have a second child?  No, that is illogical. 

Please do not tell me to get over it and move on.  My child died. I need time to move through my grief.

Please do not try to keep me busy or keep my mind off of my loss.  I need to deal with my grief.  I need to work through this.  It is unhealthy to suppress my grief.

Please do not be angry if I do not show joy for you and your new baby.  It is very hard for me to be around pregnant women, babies, and small children.

Please do not pack up her nursery, clothes, or toys.  I need to do that when I feel that I am ready.

I realize that I have listed many do nots.  You may wonder what you can do.  First of all please lift me up to God in prayer.  Send me little notes to let me know that you are concerned.  Ask before sending flowers.  I can not bear to have anything around me that is going to die.  Women who have miscarriages may lose a lot of blood.  They are tired from the trauma and grief.  I may be anemic from the loss of blood.  My body needs nutritious foods.  Could you go to the store for us or drop by a casserole.  Offer to come over and do a load of laundry, run the vacuum, or wash the dishes.  I don't want you to do it all.  It would be wonderful if you could lighten my husband's load.  Please call to see how I am doing.  Please hug me, cry with me, and listen when I need to talk.  Just be my friend. 

Rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep.
Romans 12:15

Footprints In The Sand
One night a man had a dream.  He dreamed he was walking along on the beach with the Lord.  Across the sky flashed scenes from his life.  For each scene, he noticed two sets of footprints in the sand: one belonging to him, and the other to the Lord.  When the last scene of his life flashed before him, he looked back at the footprints in the sand.  He noticed that many times along the path of his life there was only one set of footprints.  He also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times of his life.  This really bothered him and he questioned the Lord about it.  "Lord, you said that once I decided to follow you, you'd walk with me all the way.  But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life, there is only one set of footprints.  I don't understand why when I needed you most, you would leave me."  The Lord replied, "My son, My precious child, I love you and would never leave you.  During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you."
 

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